WRONG END

I recently called the Neurology Ward accidentally when I actually wanted the Nephrology Ward. The staff who picked up the phone said, “Oh, sorry. Sini kepala, bukan kencing.”

IS THAT A NERVE?

After a combined meeting with the Orthopaedic & Pathology Departments, our Consultant, Prof F, mentioned that one of the Orthopaedic Consultants should have been a Neurologist. One would have thought that the bone surgeon has the mind of a physician, but it turned out that his name is Prof Saraf.

SAY WHAT?

A 70 plus year old Chinese uncle with throat cancer & depression was seen at the Psychiatric clinic not long after he was discharged from the Oncology Ward. He was noted to have frequent vomiting, poor oral intake & generalised body weakness. The Psychiatric doctor who saw the patient decided to admit him to the Oncology Ward.

At Grand Ward Round the next day, the staff nurse-in-charge presented the case to the Consultant & his team, comprising of specialists, medical officers & other medical personnel.

Everyone was awaken (especially those who were sleeping/ falling asleep) when the staff nurse said, “This patient has oropharyngeal carcinoma & he is admitted for sterilization.”

The Psychiatric doctor had written the plan as “to admit patient for stabilization” & the nurse had read it wrongly.

JUST IN CASE

An ex-colleague of mine, who is now a physician in Miri Hospital, was referred a case from the Orthopaedic Ward. The patient, a very frail 80 year old lady, was admitted for a hip fracture. My friend was amused & irate at the same time as the reason for referral was “in case the patient dies of unknown medical cause”.

ONCALL TERUK – THE SEQUEL

Recently I learnt of a term which has got nothing to do with the famous New Zealand’s All Blacks, Jonah Lomu. Apparently, “Jonah” means someone who is “hot” during oncall time, ie. has the affinity to attract patients like bees to honey & ants to sugar.

My housemate, L, who is also my colleague, is one of the most “Jonah” person I know. Our passive call at HUKM Oncology Department stretches over a week, ie. from Monday to Sunday. L had to return to hospital after hours on the first day itself. This went on a few times throughout the week with the grand finale on Saturday & Sunday, where L had to sleep in (at the ward).

My most dreaded fear came true. Being L’s housemate & the next person to oncall after her, I was afraid of getting some of her “Jonah”-ness. True enough, she did pass on some to me. My call was rather “hot” too, with multiple admissions from the Emergency & multiple mortalities….& I had to sleep in at the ward as well, sigh…

Anyway, my week is up, thank goodness for that. Now I just hope (& pray) that my next call will not be so “Jonah”.

Maybe I should go play some rugby…

OCCUPATIONAL HAZARD II

Two anaesthetic medical officers met at a dinner function, together with their spouses. After the usual hello’s & how are you’s, one of doctors commented, “Your wife has a short neck, difficult intubation.”

ANTICIPATORY EMESIS

A talkative Chinese uncle was having his second cycle chemotherapy at our Oncology Ward at HUKM when the whole team (specialists, medical officers & nurses) was doing rounds & came to his bed. He was telling the medical personnel his experience during the first chemotherapy. One of the medical officers, a Malay lady, asked the uncle (who can’t speak English), “Uncle, sekarang ada muntah kah?” And the patient’s reply?

“Sekarang, belum lagi muntah. Tapi, sekejap lagi akan muntah.”