MISCALLEANOUS IV

• “If a patient with diabetes is called a diabetic & someone with an amputated limb is an amputee, what do you call a person who has a stoma?” our Consultant Surgeon (in Sarawak General Hospital, Kuching) Mr. WCM, quizzed us during ward round. I actually didn’t know the answer, but one of the House Officers replied confidently, “Stomee”. It sounded funny that even the patients laughed. The correct term is “ostomate”.

• During an MRCP (Member of the Royal College of Phycisians) teaching session, one of the candidates, HT, was asked a question about a physiological condition which can aggravate a certain medical problem. HT was also given the clue that the particular physiological condition occurs only in women & not in men. He thought for a while & gave the answer, “Menstruation”. The other candidates thought HT’s answer was outrageous. Perhaps he had forgotten that pregnancy is also a physiological condition that occurs only in women.

HUMAN HAIROMA VIRUS

I attended a CME (Continuing Medical Education) on HPV (Human Papilloma Virus) vaccination recently at UMMC. It somehow reminded me of the Human Hairoma Virus.

Human what virus? Never heard of it? But of course, the virus does not exist. Human Hairoma Virus, or HHV for short, was “fictionally invented” by yours truly back at IMC (International Medical College), together with a senior whom I was pretty close with. We wrote about HHV in the college’s newsletter, “Med About U”. We even drew cartoon pictures of the virus.

HHV was supposed to cause hairoma (tumour consisting of hair) of the male & female genito-urinary tracts. I think we also included cartoons of what hairomas of the uterus & cervix looked like.

Those were the crazy & care free days…

COMMUNICATION BREAKDOWN

• Effective communication is actually very important between medical personnel (doctors, nurses etc) & patients. I’m sure many of you have heard about the “heart murmur” & “hot mamma” joke.
  
  Well, this is a real life conversation between my former nurse (at the Radiotherapy Unit in Sarawak General Hospital) & the husband of a cervical cancer patient undergoing radiotherapy. The husband was upset after being told by the radiographer that they would not be able to have sexual intercourse during the treatment period. He wanted to confirm with another medical staff. Both husband & wife are Indonesians.
  
  
  Husband: Nanti bila balik rumah, bisa ranjang?
  
  Nurse: (Heard ‘ranjang’ as ‘telanjang’) Bolehhhhh………
  
  Husband: (Surprised) Bisa??
  
  Nurse: Bisaaa….
  
  Husband: (Confused) Ngapa tadi orang bilang ng’gak bisa?
  
  Nurse: Bisa. Kenapa tidak bisa? Di rumah, tidak ada orang tengok. Bisa buat apa saja.
  
  
  * Ranjang, in Indonesian language, means “bed” or “bed-related activities”.

• Communication between medical personnel is equally, or in fact even more important. Before radiotherapy treatment begins, there is a pre-treatment session called “simulation”. A simulator is a machine which can produce conditions similar to radiation therapy & the process of simulation is important for an Oncologist to plan the area to be treated.
  
  Once, a House Officer (HO) from the Surgical Ward called up the Oncology Unit (at UMMC) to get an appointment date for a patient for simulation. WZ, the Senior Oncology MO, had informed the HO to indicate on the referral form, “patient for simulation under Dr. A”. (Dr. A is one of the Oncology Specialists & the head of department).
  
  When the patient turned up at Oncology, the staff had a good laugh as the referral form read, “for stimulation under Dr. A”.
  
  

4 F's

This is not the 4 F’s (risk factors) for developing gallstones (ie. Fat, Female, Forty/Fifty, Fertile) but my new discovery of the 4 F’s of University Malaya Medical Centre (UMMC), KL.

Far

I live in Old Klang Road & it takes me about 20 to 25 minutes to get to UMMC. My colleagues who are from KL think it is “super fast” (since under an hour is considered “fast”). In Kuching, my rented place was only 5 minutes away from the hospital (Sarawak General).

My housemate & I car pool to work everyday (we work in the same department & there is no oncall, for now). We normally park at the Medical Faculty of University Malaya (most doctors do that) & walk across to the Medical Centre. The daily morning walk should help me to stay slim, hopefully :)

The Oncology Department is situated at the newer wing called Menara Timur & it is miles away from the Menara Utama (main building). Oncology patients are admitted to different wards (namely Medical, Surgical, ENT & Orthopedic) because we don’t have our own ward. Most of the in-patients are situated at the main building so I’m getting daily late morning & afternoon walks as well.


Flooded

Recently we hear about burst pipes in various Government deparments. Well, UMMC doesn’t have that problem (I hope) but along the walk way from Menara Utama to Menara Timur, you can find pools of water here & there. This is indeed an eye sore, especially for an established medical institution like UMMC.


Freezer

The Oncology Unit in UMMC is by far the coldest place I’ve ever been in my lifetime. Okay, I’m exaggerating. I’ve survived below zero degrees at winter time during my final year (medical school) in Hamilton, New Zealand, but that was okay because I was equipped with winter clothing & a heater.

The clinic area is quite alright (I mean the cold is still bearable) but the radiotherapy treatment area is just horrendous. The temperature is such because of the radiotherapy machines.

My fingers were cramped on at least 2 occasions that I could not write (on patient’s notes) properly. Thank God they did not turn blue. I swear I would turn up for work in full winter wear (including gloves) if this happens again.


Faded

On the way to work, we have to drive pass the Law Faculty before reaching the Medical Faculty. My housemate never fails to comment on how nice the Law building is. The Medical Faculty, on the other hand, is very ancient looking & gives us the creepy & eerie feeling everytime we walk pass there to go to the medical centre. None the less, it has produced many prominent doctors in the country, namely the current Director General of Health & the Minister of Health.

As medical students at the International Medical College (IMC), we made occasional visits to the Anatomy Department of University Malaya for Anatomy sessions as we did not have our own wet lab. Someone told us that Botak Chin’s (the notorious criminal) head was being kept there. Now, when I walk pass the Anatomy Department, I can’t help but think of the specimen, which could still be there, floating on preservative fluid, inside a huge glass container……I guess that explains the creepy feeling.