CREATIVE PATIENT

My colleague got this as a hari raya gift from her 70 plus year old patient, who hand made the 2 peacocks herself (from used cans). So sweet...

HOSPITAL TERMINOLOGY II

Jonah (refer to “Oncall Teruk- The Sequel”)
A doctor who is so very busy during his or her oncall duty. Things tend to happen (one after another) that one can’t even imagine. My housemate, L, is by far the most jonah person I know. Colleagues & other staff think that the “mandi bunga” cannot work anymore. What L needs to do now is to take the next available flight to Thailand to pray at all the Buddha statues there.


Celebrity
A famous doctor who has been to space, done modelling, ventured into restaurant business & so on & so forth. His name was suggested as the guest of honour for a breast cancer awareness campaign, since he had done wonders for cervical cancer. The ambassador for breast & cervical cancers is preferably an individual who poccess both organs, but it doesn’t really matter since the main objective is to attract women of all ages to participate.

8TH WONDER OF THE WORLD

Being a doctor in the government sector has never been a bed of roses or a stroll in the park, but rather a bed of “duris” & a fall (with abrasions & laceration wounds) in the drain. The “sabun” episode may seem trivial, but it sure does add salt to wound. Sometimes I wonder how I managed to survive this 8 years. That’s why there is a need for laughter otherwise kepala will pecah. Funny questions/ comments from patients (usually old aunties & uncles) sometimes just brightens up the day.



Patient 1
Patient: Doctor, are you from here (refering to Malaysia)?

Doctor: Nope, I’m not from here (refering to KL)

Patient: Ohh…I thought so…are you Filipino?

Doctor: (Gasp) Do I look or sound like a Filipino?

Patient: Filipinos speak good English

Doctor: (……and Malaysians don’t?)



Patient 2
Doctor: Good morning, Aunty (in Mandarin)

Patient: Oh, good…you’re the first Chinese doctor I meet at this hospital. I can’t really understand Malay & I have many doubts about my illness

Doctor: (Explaining in great detail about breast cancer in Mandarin)

Patient: Wah…doctor, how did you learn all those medical terms in Mandarin?

Doctor: Oh, I learn from patients…and nurses

Patient: I thought you're from China

Doctor: (This is the first time someone has said that. My Mandarin must have improved tremendously over the years…an OCBC no more)



Patient 3
Patient: (who came with husband) Doctor, you look very young. How old are you if you don’t mind me asking?

Doctor: Why don’t you take a guess?

Husband: Must be 20 plus

Patient: Where got 20 plus, aiyah you ah. Doctor in specialty can’t be 20 plus only lah. Must be 30 plus already lah…

Doctor: (Wife smarter than husband)



Patient 4
Patient: Doctor, are you mixed?

Doctor: No, I’m pure Chinese

Patient: Really? But you look like mixed…like those actress in the TV

Doctor: (head reached the ceiling already)



* OCBC stands for “Orang Cina Bukan Cina”

SINCE WHEN HOSPITAL GOT CHICKEN?

(Pic courtesy of Dr. LJ)

LUX & PALMOLIVE

Date: 2 days before Malaysia's 51st Merdeka Day
Venue: Doctor's consultation room

I was frantically looking for soap (to wash my hands) after examining a patient's backside (with gloves on, of course) but to no avail. This is roughly the conversation between one of the clinic staff & me:

Me: Kenapa tak ada sabun?

Staff: Memang tak ada sabun. Bilik 2nd bos pun tak ada. Hanya bilik big bos (refering to our head of department) saja ada...

Me: Habis tu, macam mana nak cuci tangan?

Staff: Kena bawak sabun sendiri. Dr. N (who is a colleague of mine) pun bawak sabun dia sendiri

Me: (pengsan)

BANK ROBBERY

This is just too funny not to share. Got it on my email.

Excerpted from an article which appeared in the Dublin Times about a bankrobbery. Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash & valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes throughout the bank. The robbers cracked the first safe's combination, and inside they found only a small bowl of vanilla pudding. As recorded on the bank's audio tape system, one robber said, "At least we'll have a bit to eat. "The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding. The process continued until all safes were opened. They did not find one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of pudding. Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach.

Next day, the newspaper headline read:

IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED