I LOVE THIS DOCTOR

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!


Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?


Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO? Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.


Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. And remember: 'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride' And For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

(Got this from my Aunt, on email)

NO MOUNTAIN TOO HIGH

April & May 2010 had been the most horrendous months in my life. Working and preparing for my final exam at the same time had proved to be both physically & mentally demanding, especially when I was placed in a centre notoriously known for its heavy work load.

Just before the exam, I had already lost 3 kilos (over the period of 2 months). I was eating quite a bit during my on-off study break, so I was wondering where all the food went. My weight was down to below 40 kilos on 2 previous postings at this centre. So this time around I was trying my best not to lose too much. For someone who weighs around 43kg on average, to lose even a few kilos, I would look cachexic.

The first component of the exam was the COQ (case oriented questions). That was quite alright, although there were minor hiccups (as one of my consultants had put it) here & there. Question number 3 was a radiotherapy planning question on cancer of the maxillary antrum. Most of the candidates were seen touching & feeling their cheeks, with one candidate even measuring her cheek with a ruler. It would have been a nightmare for the invigilator if the question was related to some other body parts.

MCQ (multiple choice questions) was the tough one, partly if not wholly, because of the negative marking. One candidate took 2 Paracetamol before going in for the paper. I came out of the exam hall with a stiff neck & also had to pop in 2 Paracetamol. During the night, most candidates had difficulty sleeping. One watched Korean soap opera till wee hours in the morning & another drove out to the Mamak shop for a drink. We are now able to laugh at ourselves, but the stress that we felt at that time was just overwhelming.

The final 2 components (ie. Clinical & Viva) were held 2 weeks after the written. By 21st May, everything was all over. It felt like a huge mountain was being lifted from my shoulders. I went back to work the next day (Saturday) & did 3 calls (2 active calls & 1 passive) over a duration of 4 days. That was a pretty un-human thing to do, but thankfully I managed to survive. I have now lost another 2 kilos, so yes, I do look cachexic.

It is now time to repair the sublethal damage & reoxygenate…

COLLEAGUES FROM PARADISE

• Knocks frantically on the oncall room door at 7 o’clock in the morning when you are getting ready for work. The knocking becomes louder & louder, & when you finally open the door, your colleague says to you, “Oh, ingat you masih tidur lagi.” (Reason for knocking on the door: need to use the toilet)
• Comes to your ward holding a piece of A4 size paper, when you are doing rounds/ procedure/ resuscitating patient. The colleague watches you as you are doing your work & then when you are finally done, he/ she passes you the piece of paper (borang cuti) for you to sign.
• Leaves undergarment on the oncall room sofa. You cover the item with some old newspaper but can’t sleep very well in the night as you keep having the image in your mind.
• Calls you at 10 o'clock at night using hospital phone (so that you would pick up) & asks you to cover him/ her the following day as he/ she needs to go to the bank. (Reason: kad ATM patah)