SAY WHAT?

A 70 plus year old Chinese uncle with throat cancer & depression was seen at the Psychiatric clinic not long after he was discharged from the Oncology Ward. He was noted to have frequent vomiting, poor oral intake & generalised body weakness. The Psychiatric doctor who saw the patient decided to admit him to the Oncology Ward.

At Grand Ward Round the next day, the staff nurse-in-charge presented the case to the Consultant & his team, comprising of specialists, medical officers & other medical personnel.

Everyone was awaken (especially those who were sleeping/ falling asleep) when the staff nurse said, “This patient has oropharyngeal carcinoma & he is admitted for sterilization.”

The Psychiatric doctor had written the plan as “to admit patient for stabilization” & the nurse had read it wrongly.

JUST IN CASE

An ex-colleague of mine, who is now a physician in Miri Hospital, was referred a case from the Orthopaedic Ward. The patient, a very frail 80 year old lady, was admitted for a hip fracture. My friend was amused & irate at the same time as the reason for referral was “in case the patient dies of unknown medical cause”.

ONCALL TERUK – THE SEQUEL

Recently I learnt of a term which has got nothing to do with the famous New Zealand’s All Blacks, Jonah Lomu. Apparently, “Jonah” means someone who is “hot” during oncall time, ie. has the affinity to attract patients like bees to honey & ants to sugar.

My housemate, L, who is also my colleague, is one of the most “Jonah” person I know. Our passive call at HUKM Oncology Department stretches over a week, ie. from Monday to Sunday. L had to return to hospital after hours on the first day itself. This went on a few times throughout the week with the grand finale on Saturday & Sunday, where L had to sleep in (at the ward).

My most dreaded fear came true. Being L’s housemate & the next person to oncall after her, I was afraid of getting some of her “Jonah”-ness. True enough, she did pass on some to me. My call was rather “hot” too, with multiple admissions from the Emergency & multiple mortalities….& I had to sleep in at the ward as well, sigh…

Anyway, my week is up, thank goodness for that. Now I just hope (& pray) that my next call will not be so “Jonah”.

Maybe I should go play some rugby…

OCCUPATIONAL HAZARD II

Two anaesthetic medical officers met at a dinner function, together with their spouses. After the usual hello’s & how are you’s, one of doctors commented, “Your wife has a short neck, difficult intubation.”

ANTICIPATORY EMESIS

A talkative Chinese uncle was having his second cycle chemotherapy at our Oncology Ward at HUKM when the whole team (specialists, medical officers & nurses) was doing rounds & came to his bed. He was telling the medical personnel his experience during the first chemotherapy. One of the medical officers, a Malay lady, asked the uncle (who can’t speak English), “Uncle, sekarang ada muntah kah?” And the patient’s reply?

“Sekarang, belum lagi muntah. Tapi, sekejap lagi akan muntah.”

THE PSYCHIATRIST AND THE PROCTOLOGIST

Got this from my buddy Dr. LJ on the email:

Two doctors opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading:

"Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors."

The town council was not happy with the sign.

So the doctors changed it to read,"Schizoids and Hemorrhoids. "

This was not acceptable either.

So in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to "Catatonics and High Colonics."

No go. Next, they tried "Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives."

Thumbs down again. Then came "Minds and Behinds."

Still no good. Another attempt resulted in "Lost Souls and Butt Holes."

Unacceptable again so they tried "Analysis and Anal Cysts." !

Not a chance. "Nuts and Butts?"

No way. "Freaks and Cheeks?"

Still no go. "Loons and Moons?"

Forget it. Almost at their wit's end, the doctors finally came up with:

"Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends."

Everyone loved it.

A DOC'S LIFE

You know you’re an overworked government doctor when…

1) You don’t see the sunlight (you go to work before sunrise & come home after sunset)

2) You sleep at the hospital more than you do at home

3) Your neighbours probably think you work as GRO because you always come home late & sometimes don’t come home at all

4) After a night of oncall, you notice 3 big pimples on your forehead

5) On closer look, your eyes resemble those of a panda

6) At year end, you realise your annual leave is untouched

7) You go back to your hometown only once a year

8) You go to the hairdresser & she/ he asks you, “Wah…your hair so long already. You never cut ah?”

9) You go to your beauty therapist & she exclaims, “Wah…so many pimples, how long already you never do facial?”

10) You weigh under 40kg without having to go on a diet or do exercise