HOSPITAL TERMINOLOGY

VIP & VVIP
(Not those driving big cars like Mercedez or BMW or Perdana, these are very & very very irritating patients)

I don’t mind if patients like to ask a lot of questions (even if the questions are 2 pages long & written on A4 size paper), because as patients, they ought to know what exactly is happening to them & what treatment they are having, but it gets on my nerves when things like this happen:


Case 1
Patient: (with a rombongan of relatives coming to visit) I’ve been here for 3 days, no doctor come & see me, didn’t give me any medicine, I’m just waiting & waiting

Relative: (angry & looked like ready to challenge the small petite doctor) So what’s the status now??

Doctor: (very calm but a bit sarcastic) The status now is…..the same…. as what I’ve informed the patient & his wife….today, yesterday & the day before yesterday

Patient: No medicine for 3 days

Relative: Why no medicine?

Patient: You see this little canulla here (on patient’s arm)? Our nurses have been giving medicine in the form of injection 3 times a day for the last 3 days & patient is actually improving with the medication


Case 2
Patient: (loudly as if an emergency had occurred) Nurse! Nurse! Nurse!

Nurse: (rushing to patient) What happened?

Relative of patient at next bed: (also rushing to help) What happened?

Patient: (now in a soft voice) Nothing, I just want my walkman (which is placed at the cupboard next to the bed)


Case 3
Patient: I can’t go to toilet, I feel weak (which is actually fair enough)

Nurse: Okay, then I get you a bed pan. We will pull the curtain & you can ease yourself here

Patient: I don’t want bedpan

Nurse: How about pampers? Then you don’t have to worry till the next morning.

Patient: I don’t want pampers

Nurse: Then what do you want?

Patient: I want the doctor to put in a catheter

Nurse: Doctor is not here at night. Doctor will only come (from home) when there is an emergency

Patient: Then call the doctor to come now



UK
Stands for ‘ubat kampung’, very popular among Malay patients

Bomohs tend to promise something that doctors can’t (ie. CURE, for cancer & many other chronic diseases)


US
Stands for ‘ubat sinseh’

Ranges from powder to liquid or even tablet form (sinsehs are now getting more & more sophisticated, some even have name cards & distribute pamphlets to hospitals), usually made from plants, including grass & mushroom


TM
Not telekom malaysia but ‘troublemaker’, usually a relative or family member of a VIP or VVIP (Examples – as above)


High risk patient
Either a relative/ family member of a medical staff or is a medical staff, tends to ask a lot of questions & the more the questions, the more problems/ complications seem to arise