DUMEX & SUSTAGEN

In medical school, we learnt that “small talks” can be used to build rapport with patients before the actual consultation. In real life, “small talks” can be quite effective if used appropriately. I have been rather successful with my “small talks” all this while, until recently …when I noticed that some of them have turned out to be a little peculiar.


Conversation 1
It was a Friday morning & one of those days that I decided to dress differently just for the fun of it (I wore a baju kurung). A Chinese aunty came to the clinic for follow-up.

Me: Good morning, aunty. How have you been? (I spoke in Mandarin)

Patient: (Shocked) Wah, you can speak Chinese ah?

Me: Of course I can speak Chinese. I’m a Chinese.
(Didn’t dare to disclose the fact that I only picked up Mandarin over the last couple of years)

Patient: (Shocked again) You’re chinese?

Me: Yes, I’m Chinese.

Patient: (Looking very skeptical) If you’re Chinese, why are you wearing baju kurung?

Me: (Pengsan)

Conversation 2
I saw another Chinese aunty who came for follow-up not too long after the first incident. Chinese aunties are prone to forgetting English names, so I thought I’d better introduce myself by my Chinese surname.

Me: Good morning, aunty. I’m Dr. C. How are you today?

Patient: (Looking skeptical) Dr. C?

Me: (Caught her looking at my name tag) Mm-hmm

Patient: But your name tag says Dr. F leh?

Me: (Pengsan second time)

Conversation 3
A Chinese uncle visited our clinic for the first time after undergoing an operation to remove his colonic tumour. He was referred by the surgeons for further treatment to prevent the tumour from growing back.

Me: Good morning, uncle. I’m Dr. F (Learnt my lesson already)

Patient: (Smiling) Good morning

Me: (Looking at patient’s details on the registration form & pointing to the age) It says here, uncle, that you’re 74 years old. Well, you certaining don’t look 74.

Patient: (Smiling even more) Hehe…I do a lot of exercise. Maybe that’s why I look young. How old do you think I look?

Me: Mmm…about 60 plus? Definitely not more than 65.

Patient: (Laughing now) Wow, you’re so generous.

Me: (Got up from my seat to reach for something. Can’t remember what, probably the stethoscope)

Patient: Wah, doctor, you’re quite small-sized oh. How come ah? You didn’t drink enough milk when you were young?

Me: (Really pengsan)

PROMO FOR McD

A former colleague in Sarawak General Hospital, Dr. LWC, was doing rounds with his house officers in the Medical Ward recently, when they came to a HIV-positive patient who was admitted for a certain infection. The doctor who admitted the patient had written down "MAC" on the case notes.

Dr. LWC asked the house officers what MAC means. There was a period of silence, followed by a small tiny voice from the back, saying, "Big MAC? As in MAC Donalds?"

(MAC actually means Mycobacterium Avian Complex, which is the patient's diagnosis)

ALL IN ONE

During our first lecture on Radiobiology with Dr. L, she showed us this picture on her final slide & said, "Now you all can go home.....and study."

OCCUPATIONAL HAZARD

Risks of needle prick injuries & exposure to radiation aside, I think I might actually have a serious occupation related problem when ……

1) I started looking at people’s veins while waiting to board the plane (I went back to my hometown recently) & thinking whether intravenous cannulation is going to be easy or not if they collapse & need resuscitation.

2) I’m stucked in the jam (it’s KL lor), I look at car registration plates & associate the alphabets with medical conditions, for example MBC (for metastatic breast cancer), ADH (for anti-diuretic hormone) etc.

3) I think of an old friend (whom I met at our secondary school reunion recently) as a “multipara” rather than a “mother of 3 kids”.

WHO ARE YOU III

My 3 colleagues & I (they are only 4 of us in this year’s Masters in Oncology) join the much bigger Public Health group for lectures on Medical Statistics. A few from Psychiatry also attend the same classes. Because we are the minority groups, we are identified by our units rather than individually. And the handle given to us?

“The Oncos & the Psychos”

F FOR FISHING

That’s exactly what 2 of my course mates have been doing in lectures, especially boring ones like Medical Statistics (some people may enjoy it but I dislike the subject). Sometimes I love watching them when the lectures get too boring. I believe if they continue doing that throughout the academic year, they might actually catch a shark or even a mermaid :)

Towards the end of one particular Statistics class, our lecturer, Dr. MA, showed a slide of a koala bear clinging on to a tree branch & said to us, “Do you all know that koala bears sleep 22 hours a day? It’s such a waste because they miss out on all the fun.” I don’t know about my 2 colleagues but I’m pretty sure the slide was shown for a reason :)

MORE F's

As time passes, I’m discovering more & more F’s at UMMC. Just last week (on a Friday evening) after our tutorial on Oncological Emergencies ended (at 6pm), my eagerness to go home vanished when I saw what had become of my car (which was parked far far away from the hospital building).

With the original silver colour in the background, there were rough brown spots all over (like a polka-dot cartoon car). From a few metres away, I could already guess what the dots were, but I just had to go nearer for confirmation (I was in denial). My car was full of bird shit!!

F*** I wanted to curse, especially after I inspected the other cars parked near to mine & found not a single speck of dirt. So unfair.

It is increasingly difficult nowadays to find parking, especially after the new batch of undergraduates joined the Medical Faculty. It came as a surprise to me as most of my friends & I used public transportation when we were Medical students. Time has changed I suppose. And this is the reason why I am forced to park far far away & risk having my car polluted by the anencephalic species.

If I were Princess Fiona, I would create my own parking space or have an invisible car which doesn’t require a parking space, but unfortunately I’m just a poor government servant, who is waiting impatiently for the promised pay hike ;p