WHO ARE YOU II

I would definitely remember Sarawak General Hospital & its "community" (after all Sarawak is a place like no other) but I think with this post, I would remember them even better. It's funny how certain nick names actually come about.

• Kayu: Stiff as a piece of wood, often engages in monotonous & monosyllabal conversation & has a "masked-like face"

• Cousin-in-law: From surname 'Law'

• X-man: From first letter of name

• King Kong Bundy: Physical appearance & gait

• Bawang besar & bawang kecil: A staff nurse & a JM (Jururawat Masyarakat) who are best friends but different in body physique

• Twins: 2 male Surgical Registrars who are always seen together (someone commented that they seem to be closer to each other than to their wives)

• Olive (Poepye's wife): Because of physical appearance

• Major babe: Hot, sexy & still unattached

• Midget: This one's a bit mean, but thank god it's not me :p

• Gikun: Short for gigi kuning (this one's kinda mean too)

• Baby (as in "baby sihat"): 2 male doctors share the same nick name

DOOR TO DINNER TIME

The Cardiac Department of Sarawak General Hospital holds an annual Cardiac Dinner with the wife of the Sarawak's Chief Minister as the guest of honour. According to those who attended the dinner, her speeches seem to get longer & longer each year. A colleague of mine has planned to bring her story book to read at the next dinner!

NAME LONGITIS

If you have visited the website kennysia.com, you would have come across a post with the title "Datuknameistoolongitis". He is talking about the roundabouts in Kuching, Sarawak. Not only are they huge, their names are really long too, especially those in Petra Jaya area. In fact, names of roads are no different. Sarawak General Hospital, where I worked, for example, is situated along Jalan Tun Ahmad Zaidi Adruce, named after the former Tuan Yang Terutama (Governer) of Sarawak. Parallel to Jalan Tun Ahmad Zaidi Adruce is Jalan Tun Haji Abang Openg. Common sense would tell you that Haji should come after Tun & Abang comes after Haji, but sometimes one may get confused (like yours truly) & the Tun, Haji & Abang come out in a different order than what they should be (with due respect to the late ex-Governer of Sarawak).

IS THAT A NERVE OR A BLOOD VESSEL

This is the conversation between a surgeon & his assisting House Officer (HO) during a total thyroidectomy (removal of the whole thyroid gland) in the OT (operating theatre):

Surgeon: Retract properly

HO: Ok

Surgeon: Are you falling asleep?

HO: No

Surgeon: Then retract properly

HO: (Suddenly, after a period of silence) Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh…

Surgeon: (Startled) What??

HO: Nothing

Surgeon: @#$%!

HO: (Again, after a period of silence) Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh…

Surgeon: (Startled for the second time) What??!

HO: Is that a nerve or a blood vessel? I think it’s a nerve.

Surgeon: Can you please shut up, I didn’t ask you. You’ re banned from coming to my OT.

(This may actually serve as a tip for those who are "non-surgical minded" & not keen to assist in operations, especially long ones. Perhaps you could try getting yourself banned from going to the OT. Just kidding.)

WHAT DO YOU CALL

These are some of the jokes my colleagues & I heard as medical students:


Q: What do you call the muscle that turns the head?
A: Gluteus maximus


Q: What do you call a medical student inside the operating theatre?
A: A space occupying lesion


Q: What do you call two Orthopedic surgeons trying to read an ECG?
A: A double-blind study


Q: What do the ENT surgeon call a chronic sinusitis?
A: Hell on earth


(Gluteus maximus is the main muscle of the buttock)

MEDICAL RECIPE

The franchise restaurant Secret Recipe had just set up its first branch in Kuching. Some of my doctor friends joked about opening a restaurant in the future should they quit doing Medicine for whatever reason. Instead of Secret Recipe, it would be known as "Medical Recipe":

• Menu would comprise of health food only
  


• Drinks would be served on cups & glasses in the shape of syringes
  


• Instead of using aprons, waiters & waitresses would be wearing white coats (We must comply to the Ministry of Health’s policy)
  


• Dim sum would be served on Emergency Trolleys
  


• Seats would come in the form of bed pans
  


• Tables could be leveled up & down like the hospital beds, according to customers’ preference
  
  

KIA ORA

Kia Ora from the hot & blazing Kuala Lumpur. Kia Ora is hello or greetings in New Zealand's Maori Language. In another foreign language, I was told, Kia Ora actually means "What's the time?" Anyway, the heat in KL is almost unbearable & not to mention the never ending bumper to bumper jams. I wonder how I would survive here for the next 4 years. I guess laughter is the best medicine. Here are some posts which were written back in Kuching.

SAYONARA

I received my offer letter to study Oncology at the University of Malaya two days ago. It was also the dateline to reply to the Ministry of Health whether I accept the offer or not. After filling up the necessary forms & faxing them to the given number, I was told by the Ministry staff that their fax machine "sudah lama rosak". I was then given a new fax number. Obviously I wanted to know if the second fax went through. The same staff slammed the phone on me. She was annoyed that I kept calling her. It seems that the Malaysian Public System has not changed after 6 years! Anyway, I have to start packing. So, sayonara for now. Will update again from the national capital.

KUCHING HOPELESS - ONCALL TERUK

If you have read the post “Mad mad dogs working in a mad mad world”, you would get some idea about how bad it is for a doctor to be oncall in a Government hospital. It is not uncommon for us to work 36 hours a day without sleep. Before each oncall, we have to prepare ourselves mentally & physically. On top of being doctors, we also have to be iron ladies, bionic women & superheroes. Some of us are “hot” & some are “cool”. “Hot” here doesn’t mean “sexy” or “a major babe”, but the ability of a doctor (when he or she is oncall) to attract patients to the hospital or ward, like ants to sugar & bees to honey. I can be considered rather “hot”. My record as a House Officer had been 36 hours without sleep or shower (felt like a zombie, a salted fish & even a dead man walking). I had taken my lunch at 6 in the evening & my latest dinner was at 10 o’clock the next day. My good friend, LJ, is another “hot” one at the hospital, since housemanship till now. The ward is always full when she is on duty. During our last call as House Officers in the Surgical Department, she was stucked in the Operating Theatre (OT) the whole night till the next morning, assisting our Paediatric Surgeon with a complicated case (a premature baby with Tetralogy of Fallot defect if not mistaken). At the end of the surgery, LJ actually fell asleep inside the OT. If your being too “hot”, the nurses would tell you to “mandi bunga” first before coming to work (like Ramona Rahman in the movie ‘Fenomena’)- with the more types of flowers the better, to get rid of “sial”. You should also comply to certain “pantang” during oncall, like not wearing bright red or black. Red would cause you to be “hotter” & black, as we all know, is a sign of mourning. “Cooler” colours like light blue or green are recommended.

DO NOT, DO TOO

This is a conversation between a surgeon & a patient who had undergone a laparoscopic cholecystectomy (removal of gallbladder) during the surgeon’s night round…


Surgeon: (Clapping his hands) Out, out, out, all relatives out, doktor nak buat round.


Patient: (With a wet towel on his forehead) Demam la doktor.


Surgeon: (Looking doubtfully at the patient) Demam ke?


Patient: (Annoyed) Demam le. Tak nampak ke?


Surgeon: (Looking at patient’s observation chart) Missy tulis tak demam pun.


Patient: Missy salah tulis.


Surgeon: Missy! Mari sini…patient cakap awak salah tulis temperature chart dia


Missy: Patient ni memang tak demam la.


Patient: Demam la.


Surgeon: (Looking sharply at the nurse) Lebih baik awak check temperature dia ni lagi sebelum aku laser korang semua.

(Again, this is just for laugh. The surgeon is actually someone I personally feel comfortable & confident working with. Though he’s known as a “mulut laser”, he is actually quite kind hearted & works for the best interest of his patients.)

MISCALLEANOUS III

• I was giving chemotherapy to a female patient at the Radiotherapy Unit when she read what was written on my name tag (ie. Dr. Flora). “How to pronounce your name?” she asked, “Drf…Drf…Drflora, wah so difficult to pronounce one, are you Iban or Bidayuh?”

• When a patient comes in with a heart attack, there must be prompt diagnosis & prompt intervention for the best outcome. The Cardiologists always preach about “Door to balloon time” (ie. from patient’s arrival to the hospital to the time of angioplasty) which should be less than 60 minutes. Balloon refers to angioplasty. Another phrase commonly used by these heart doctors is “Time is myocardium & myocardium is time”. (Myocardium is the medical term for heart muscles) My friend WL, who is an MRCP (Member of the Royal College of Physician) candidate, complained about a particular Cardiologist, Dr. L, who is always late for teaching sessions: “Door to teaching time is more than 60 minutes!”.

• A former colleague of mine at the Accident & Emergency (A&E) Department, CSW, had a unique way of telling me she was pregnant. During our afternoon shift together, she said to me (in a serious tone), “I’ve just been to the Antenatal Clinic. There’s something growing inside me.”

• A transexual male visited our A&E once when I was on night duty. He complained of chest discomfort & shortness of breath. I asked my nurses to do an ECG (electrocardiogram) on him as he had a previous history of heart problem. While doing the test, I heard my nurses say behind the curtains, “His boobs are bigger than ours.”

• A 21 year old male was brought in to the A&E one Sunday morning after he fitted during an alcohol binging session with his friends. He was clad only in his underwear & there was a spoon in his mouth. His friends thought removing his clothing might help & the spoon was to prevent tongue-biting during seizure. We ran a number of investigations, including blood tests & an urgent CT scan of the brain, but all the results came out negative. Most likely the patient had fitted as a result of alcohol intoxication. One of the A&E Medical Assistants (MA), TBT, read my report on the patient with much enthusiasm & interest. However, at the end of it, he seemed to be interested only in one thing (ie. the underwear). “What do you mean he was clad only in underwear? You mean he was only wearing underwear ah?” he asked.

• A senior Staff Nurse at the RTU (Radiotherapy Unit) Ward told us about a funny incident that happened when she was working at the Labour Ward many years ago. A cleaner had found a pair of glasses on the floor next to a lady who had just delivered a baby. Assuming it was the patient’s, the cleaner just put it on her without asking. The doctors & nurses got panicky when the patient complained of sudden blurring of vision after giving birth. They thought it was pre-eclampsia (a high blood pressure symdrome which occurs during the perinatal period) as blurry vision is one of the symptoms. They only found out what happened after much questioning. The patient (who is from the kampung & uneducated), actually thought that every woman would be given glasses after she has delivered a baby.
  

WHERE'S YOUR WHITE COAT

The news that came out today (1 May 2007) on the front page of The Star (Malaysian Medical Association to Ministry of Health: No Neckties, please) reminds me of the many spot checks done by our Pengarah Hospital, to “catch” doctors who are “not properly dressed”. In a warm & humid country like ours, wearing white coats & neckties (especially in non-air conditioned Government hospitals) can be a nuisance. Furthermore, it is unlikely that doctors have the luxury of washing these items on a daily basis. Thus, they serve as habitats for bugs & germs, which may subsequently be transmitted to patients or family members at home. However, the Ministry of Health maintains its policy for all doctors to wear white coats & neckties, stating that there is no body of evidence to prove they actually cause infection to spread. “It is a long established policy that we have since Merdeka. Doctors must maintain their dignity & dress properly,” the DG (Director General) had said. I’ve been listed in the Pengarah Hospital’s little notebook (the 555 type) for not using a white coat during one of his spot checks at the Medical Ward. I think the notebook should be full by now, considering the number of doctors in the hospital who do not wear white coats. Here are some of the reasons given by doctors whose names are in the little notebook. (Well, except for one. You’ll find out why.)

• “My white coat is in the laundry. Haven’t got time to collect it yet.”

• “I have to perform bone marrow aspiration & prepare chemotherapy. How do you expect me to wear a white coat?”

• “I’m going to go to the OT (operating theatre) now.”

• “The DG is not here.”

• “I’m not a doctor. I’m just visiting my relative who is admitted to the ward.”

• “My white coat & necktie are still hanging on my ceiling fan at home. I tried to commit suicide last night because I’m so stressed out at work.” (said in a very sarcastic tone after the Pengarah had left)
  

JUST FOR LAUGH

10 things that you don’t want to hear your surgeon say (before, during or after surgery):

• I forgot to take my tremor pills this morning.

• I left my glasses at home, can I borrow yours? Since you’re going in for surgery & won’t be using it.

• This is my first operation on a human patient. I used to be a butcher.

• Our lab mice ate your skin graft.

• Is this a blood vessel or a nerve? Opps, it’s the ureter.

• Are we supposed to remove the right or the left kidney? Nurse, take your pick.

• Liver is on the right & spleen is on the left…or it is the other way around?

• Uh-oh

• Shall we break for 10 minutes? I need to run over to the library to get the anatomy textbook.

• We left a pair of scissors in your abdomen, I’m afraid we have to open you up again tomorrow.

(I read something similar in the Readers’ Digest before & got the idea from there. Hope there is no hard feelings from my surgical friends.)