WHO ARE YOU

I received a call from a Burmese ENT (Ear, Nose & Throat) Surgeon recently, who wanted to refer a patient with nasopharyngeal cancer for further treatment at our Radiotherapy Unit. “I’m Dr. A, the ENT Specialist from Sibu Hospital. Who are you?” he said over the phone.

Well, my name, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, means the Roman Goddess of flowers or flowers & plants found in a particular area. My Chinese name, on the other hand, is beauty & compassion. I don’t own a florist nor do I have a beauty parlour (see “A Needle Pulling Thread”) but I guess “flower, beauty & compassion” illustriates my life as a medical doctor & my enthusiasm in caring for cancer patients.

Okay, enough of babbling & blowing my own trumpet. This post is actually about funny, unique & distinctive names or monikers which I have come across since medical school.

• In IMC (International Medical College), we had a former coursemate with the initials SSG. She was teased because SSG also stands for Secondary Sex Glands & Surgical Skin Graft.

• Another classmate, SL, used to drive a car with the plate number starting with STD (registered in Tawau, Sabah) & because of that, she was known as the “STD Girl” (Sexually Transmitted Diseases). My mum actually wanted to name me Phyllis, but she decided against it because it sounds like Syphillis, which is one of the sexually transmitted diseases. I guess I really have to thank her for that. I don’t mind being called “floor” or “flour”, but I definitely don’t want to be known as Syphillis or “STD Girl No.2”.

• As House Officers, my colleagues & I have met patients who are known as “don’t know how to pour”, “a sitting statue”, “rocket the son of banana” & “Japanese sandals”. (Real names are not revealed out of respect for the patients)

• One of my ex-colleagues at the A&E (Accident & Emergency) has the initials TSS. The nurses & other colleagues gave her the nick name “Teh Susu”. “Tea or coffee? With or without milk?” was often heard at the department whenever TSS was on duty.

• A former colleague of mine at the A&E, CSW, is married to another doctor, who is a Paediatrician. One day she lamented to me that people had been calling her names (Tau Sar Pau, Char Siew Pau & even Pau Jing Tien or Justice Pau, the Chinese serials) because of her husband's surname. "Well, at least it's spelt P-A-O & not P-A-U. So it's not that bad," I tried to console her. After a long pause, she said to me sadly, "It's P-A-U."

• A 3 year old boy was brought in to the A&E by his parents one night when I was on duty. He had a common cold & was running a fever, but what caught my attention was his name, printed at the top right hand corner of the A&E Triage Form. It says “Kenu Reef”.

• Besides the “Hollywood actor of Matrix fame”, I’ve also met “football galacticos” like Figo, Beckham, Ronaldo & Ronaldinho, at the A&E.